By Staff
October 28, 2004
William Faulkner, one of the greatest authors in American history, once said, "You can never go home again."
Well, Faulkner was crazy. And he was poor. And if anyone had ever offered him millions of dollars, I'm sure he would've been happy to go home.
That's because money, like insane authors, talks.
For that reason and others, you can bet that Steve Spurrier will be dressed in blue and orange next fall as the head coach of the Florida Gators.
It's the only possible solution to the problem created by Spurrier's departure from Florida following the 2001 season.
Ron Zook? Please. His tenure with the Gators carried as much credibility as Jesse Ventura's stint as governor of Minnesota.
Spurrier is the embodiment of Florida Gators football. Seeing Ron Zook walk the sidelines was like watching Sammy Hagar tour with Van Halen.
Incidentally, the Van Halen-Spurrier analogy is a good one, since Spurrier like former Van Halen frontman David Lee Roth left the Gators on sour terms with athletic director Jeremy Foley.
But as Van Halen reunion tours have proven and as I have pointed out already money talks.
And there will be plenty of it waiting for Spurrier in Gainesville.
That's because Spurrier is Foley's only option. The list of prospective replacements is one name long. No one in Gainesville has any interest at all in anyone else. Not Charlie Strong. Not Bob Stoops. Even Bill Parcells would get run out of town. Spurrier is the only person Gator fans want.
Foley knows that better than anyone. Like he hasn't heard Spurrier's name every day for the last two years. When word got out that the head coach's job would be vacant again, you can bet his e-mail inbox filled up in a hurry.
If Foley hires anyone besides Spurrier anyone that person will be treated as another Zook. That may not be fair, but that's the way it is. And Foley will be run out of town just as quickly as a non-Spurrier head coach.
To get Spurrier, though, Foley is going to need lots and I mean lots of money. The starting price for a top-of-the-line college football coach has soared in recent years. Remember how Nick Saban was rewarded with a multi-year, multi-million dollar contract following LSU's national championship in 2003? That was nothing.
Spurrier is a legend arguably the greatest college football coach of the last 30 years. And Foley is going to have to pay him accordingly.
I doubt the University of Florida has that kind of change lying around underneath its couch cushions, but the fund-raising effort shouldn't be too difficult. All Foley has to do is call up a few boosters and tell them, "Either we can hire another Ron Zook, or you can drop some money on us and we can go get Spurrier."
With that argument, he could get enough money out of Gators fans to erase the federal budget deficit. Getting enough to hire Spurrier will be no problem.
And with money being no object, there's only one question does Spurrier want the job? Without a doubt. Sure, he's been there and done that. Sure, he doesn't have anything left to prove. That's all the more reason for him to come out immediately and state unequivocably that he doesn't want the job if he's truly not interested.
But he is. If there's one thing Spurrier loves, it's being the center of attention. He could draw millions of dollars at any program in the country. Only at Florida, though, does he get to be treated like a king.
After all, money and power are the two things most men want more than anything. Steve Spurrier is no different. But at Florida, he'll get more of both than any other football coach has ever dreamed of.
Spurrier will be happy with money and power. Florida fans will be happy with their coach. Foley will be happy with his job stability.
And the rest of the Southeastern Conference will be miserable with the return of the best college football coach of his generation.
Oh well. At least somebody gets a happy ending out of this.