T-shirt catalog tells my life story

Earlier this week I hit one of the landmark birthdays when I celebrated 30 years of life.

A few weeks ago I was looking through a catalog and found some T-shirts with humorous slogans on them and realized that many of them could be applied to my life. I thought it would make a good column, so I present to you my life in T-shirt slogans:

“Cereal Killer” — This represents my early life, which was fueled by Fruit Loops, Frosted Flakes and a few other sugary cereals that got me through the tedious activity of watching Saturday morning cartoons.

“I Before E Except After C…Weird” — Throughout school my least favorite subjects were spelling and grammar, which is ironic since I make my living as a journalist.

I was happy when I reached high school and English classes were based around literature.

“The Dog Ate My Lesson Plan” — My dog actually did eat my homework once. Well, actually it was my progress report for my eighth-grade shop class.

It wasn’t too big of a deal since I had an A in the class, but I think I earned bonus points by piecing the remains back together with duct tape.

“I Love College Life – It’s The Studying And Tests That I Hate” — I loved college life and spent the first year living it up and sleeping through class.

I have no regrets now. Without that experience, I would not have ended up where I am today and would never have met my wife.

“Yes, I Know I Need A Haircut” — During my second year of college I tried a few different hairstyles from shaving my head to dyeing my hair a much lighter color.

At the time I thought they were good looks for me, but I recently saw the photos and my mother was right, I did need a haircut.

“Lead Me Not Into Temptation-I Have My Own GPS” — This one speaks for itself if you had read the previous two.

“To Learn Anything, You Must First Admit You Don’t Know Everything” — There is a lot of truth in this statement and I had to learn it firsthand before I buckled down and finished college.

“I Only Do What The Voices In My Wife’s Head Tell Me To Do” — I got married when I was 25 and I find this saying to be the key to a pleasant marriage.

“Patience Is A Virtue But Flipping Someone Off Feels Better” — for years I kept my displeasure with others deep inside and it led to some bitter feelings. Now if I am angry I vent and I move on — it does feel better.

“You Don’t Have To Be Crazy To Work Here. We’ll Train You!” — This should be the disclaimer to any publisher looking to hire a journalist fresh out of college.

I found out when I took my first journalism job shortly before my 27th birthday that being a little crazy helps. Strangely enough, it helps by allowing you to keep your sanity.

“I’d Kill For A Nobel Peace Prize” — A couple of years ago I was unsure of where I was in my life and if I was doing anything that mattered or would lead to recognition. Then I wrote a feature story and that person’s family was very appreciative and they showed me quite a bit of gratitude. It put the questions to rest.

“If Idiots Grew On Trees This Place Would Be An Orchard” — This pretty much sums up my thoughts on most politicians during the previous couple of years.

“So Far This Is The Oldest I’ve Ever Been” — It has been a pretty good 30 years. Here’s hoping I get another 30 that are just as good, if not better.

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